"Wake up! Wake up!" That seems to
be the only thing I can think about as the days go by. It seems as
though I'm waiting for reality to finally hit, and as it does, I hate
it all the more. I had 8 months of people telling me to let go of my
expectations, only to fly home filled with them and watch them fall.

I've begun to step into a place that no
longer feels like home. But, then again, no place feels like home
anymore. I feel like my sense of belonging has been stripped from me.
I wake up every morning wondering what's next. For once I wish I
could just be. I wish I could stand in one place and not have to
worry about holding onto the past, walking in the present, or
stepping into the future.

I miss the people that became family
over the last 8 months. The people that walked the journey with me.
The people I laughed and shed tears with. I miss the people who were
willing to call things for what they were. The people who were all
in. The people who daily counted the cost! I miss the people who
lived life with me no matter how hard it was, and who didn't back
down from the calling God had on their lives. I miss Bryan, Lila,
Jess, and Katie. I miss all those Novas people that I had the
privilege of being with in Mexico. I miss all those leaders that were
there to guide us without spoon feeding us. I miss authenticity. I
miss community!

To all of those reading this that live
around me, I'm not judging you guys, or saying that you don't hold
these qualities. This is just where I'm at, so I ask you to
understand me in this. Most people ask me how I feel, and the answer
"Okay, bittersweet I guess." is usually what comes out. The truth
is, is that it's hard to stay in a place you want to run away from,
and actually believe that God has you there for a purpose. So, that's
me at the moment. No one ever told me re-entry would be easy. I
guess, for once, I just NEVER EXPECTED to feel the way I do. To feel
so broken and dependent.

I guess, in the end, all these things
are just another step in the walk; another step towards heaven, the only place that's become home for some of us.

Jon